Archive for January 18th, 2008

18
Jan

Refund Chronicles

   Posted by: jasazick   in Uncategorized

I have sent a second email to the director of the Dragonlance movie. Hopefully he will reply to this email since my first went unanswered. Was my email crass? Not at all. Was it rude? I suppose it could be considered rude, but I consider it honest – everything I said is true.

Here is the email (The director is also named Will – I’m not talking to myself I promise):

Will,

I can only assume that my first email was mistakenly trapped by some overzealous spam filter. With that in mind, I will attempt to write another email, this time with a little more substance. Hopefully it will pass whatever credentials are needed so that you actually see the email.

On Tuesday, the day the Dragonlance movie was released, I purchased the DVD. To say I was excited would be an understatement. After work I eagerly went home, made some popcorn, and put the movie into my DVD player. The first thing I noticed, after watching the Iron Man preview, was that the DVD was authored without “Scene Selections”. This should have been a red flag. Even my oldest and most “basic” DVD movies all have “Scene Selections” as a menu option. My enthusiasm got the best of me though, and I started the movie without really letting that little fact bother me. Rather than type out all of my issues, I will link you my blog post, which now sits on the first page of google when you search for the words: dragonlance movie review. (I’m not trying to impress you, I’m more impressed with myself, I’m on google… that is rad)

http://www.mostlydead.net/Will/?p=85

Here is the problem in its most basic and simple terms: your movie was terrible.

I have never watched something as embarrassing as your movie and no movie has ever forced me to ask the following: I want my money back. You took $11.87 from me. In addition to taking my money you took my time. You have wasted 90 minutes of my life. Here are some things I could have used those 90 minutes for:

1. Memorize all the owners manuals in my house.
2. Laundry – one sock at a time.
3. Teargas my basement to see if I could take the burn.

Yes, I am being pretty honest here Will. I would rather sit in a basement full of teargas… my eyes nearly blind, my stomach retching my lunch back through my throat, my skin on fire… I can’t really put a dollar value on the time you wasted sir, but I can once again ask for a refund. I will, of course, mail you the movie first. I will even pay for the shipping. Ideally I would also expect a written apology along with the refund check, but in an ideal world your movie would not have been a festering embarrassment.

-Will