Today Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight was released to DVD (direct to DVD release). The movie was based on a book of the same name, written by Margaret Weis and Track Hickman.

I have been a huge fan of the Dragonlance series ever since I was introduced to the novels in the second or third grade. Dragonlance is the reason that I not only became interested in science fiction/fantasy novels, but in novels period! When I heard that a movie was being made based on the one of the series most popular novels, I was thrilled. Then, when I heard that they had actually landed real voice talent, I was ecstatic! Keifer Sutherland, Michael Rosenbaum, Lucy Lawless… those are serious actors. Things looked promising.

I just finished watching the movie.

To say that the movie was a steaming pile of wretched filth would be far too kind… Imagine those campy Lord of The Rings movies (Cartoons) from the 1970s. Now imagine if those people produced this movie, except they replaced the directors, producers, and animators with retarded chimpanzees. Now imagine something worse… you have a rough idea of the movie.

The people behind the Dragonlance movie decided to mix animation with computer graphics. They failed. It looked as if they took a Saturday morning cartoon and allowed a high school computer graphics class to splice in some CG. When you watch a DVD movie, especially ones that are animated and/or contain CG effects, the producers often allow you to see “test footage”. This footage is often a very rough cut, something the animators throw together in as little time as possible, just to give a basic idea of what to expect. They usually release this as a “special feature” on the DVD menu. The CG in the Dragonlance movie LOOKED LIKE FREAKING TEST FOOTAGE. It was unprofessional, undeveloped, and embarrassing.

I wonder if the person who wrote the script, assuming he/she wasn’t also a retarded chimpanzee, actually read the book. I can only assume that rather than taking a few hours to read the book, they asked an intern to give them the “readers digest” version while they were busy abusing crystal meth. I’m not going to list all my complaints about the script – I understand that things must be cut/changed in order to properly adapt a novel into a movie, but having your characters get into a yelling match 5 feet from a sleeping dragon really just doesn’t make sense. Why would they yell at each other after realizing the evil, giant, and terrifying dragon was luckily asleep?

To the people who directed/produced this movie: I hope you are happy. You have taken a novel that was truly engaging, thought provoking, and exciting, and turned it into excrement. I can only hope that I can somehow burn the memory of this movie out of my brain so that the next time I read the book my imagination will not be sullied by the trainwreck you have unleashed.